Slice of Life
by Winona Lighteyes
Summary: Truly, today was a wonderful (terrible) day to be alive. (Marked T mostly for safety. Fem!Naru.)
For Venu3374.

Hello, and thanks for reading.  
First fiction on this fandom (and I'll never get used to this formatting!)  
This is meant to be taken as a proper exercise in writing, because in the end that's what it is.  
I've got severe case of plot bunnies, too many ideas, too much to write, but I clearly don't have the abilities to make a multi-chapter, long-worded. plot engaging story yet. English is not my first language either.  
And this, is an attempt at making it better.

I want to spend a word on the amazing Venu3374 who's been creator of some of the lines you'll see below, because this story stems from a long, far-fetched, probably drunk conversation we had ages ago. I left it to stew long and hard and in the end I ended up writing it. His awesomeness is epic and Steve-sama approves of him greatly.  
So, thank you for your support :)

And also thanks to my sister and my friend Ains who read the chapter multiple times and made it so much better!

 **Slice of Life**

It was a good day to be Maito Gai, after all.

The sun was shining, the birds chirping, the _youth_ was overflowing, and once again the Green Beast of Konoha was ready to rise! His young students _of course_ thought so too. They were so youthful and so dedicated to their 200 morning laps! Ah, the ardour of young genin!

Yes, Maito Gai breathed deeply before starting to run, today was going to be a wonderful day.

* * *

It was _not_ a good day for Shimura Danzo.

The first time a message from the Concerned Citizen appeared into the streets of Konoha, people had hardly blinked. In a Ninja village, it wasn't the first time random things happened, and in a place where explosions and flying ninjas were so common people didn't even turn to watch, it hadn't fazed the villagers in the least.

It had been a very innocent message. Printed black into a scrap of paper, pinned onto the door read ' _Haruno-san, please avoid throwing things out of the window. Two people were seriously injured last night. Think of the camellias, they don't make good throwing objects. A concerned Citizen_ _'._

People passing by had chortled, amused. Haruno-san less so.

It had, however, been written off as a single occurrence due the actions of the woman, who _had_ indeed launched vases of camellias into a fit of rage.

The second time, a Message appeared in front of the Hospital.

The staff had stared, opened and closed their mouths very rapidly in the proper imitation of a fish, and then the Head had stormed off. He had come back five minutes later, snatched the paper from the door, and gone back into his office without a word.  
The hospital went about his day like nothing happened.

But the messages from the Concerned Citizen _just. Kept. Coming._ And they all proved true.

In a ninja village, everyone had secrets. People knew, people knew that you knew and you knew they knew, but that was it. Information was power, it was bribery and threats and _persuasion_. If you had something on your neighbour, chances were he'd do just about anything to keep you happy, depending on the blackmail material.

Suddenly, secrets were revealed, dirty laundry proudly displayed and your carefully constructed information network, poof. Gone.

And they weren't so innocent any more.

It started on the house of Yakushi-san, a genin of Konoha with medical training. The first one went largely ignored, but then the second came. And the third.

" _Um, sir? We found your, uh...corpse. Yeah, your corpse in a scroll in the back of the Greengrocer's, could you come pick it up? It's kind of creeping us out. Also there is a 10 ryo storage fee you will need to pay to reclaim your property. Thank you!"._

This led to an investigation, and then another, and suddenly the whole Hospital had been sent to a compulsory examination.

The loss of Kabuto had been regrettable, for someone. Danzo was very satisfied to say, he did the right thing with scraping that particular plan.

Then it was Mitarashi Anko's turn. It asked, in very polite words, to avoid sicking snakes on the Fauna of the Forest of Death, for preservation purposes. She had laughed about it so much, she almost fell from the roof. Almost.

No house was spared, and sometimes people were hit more than once. He was at the fifth himself.

The fifth Message had been stamped not once, but seven times and spread from the Council doors to the sewers of Konoha. _His_ sewers.

His loyal Shinobi had of course removed everything remotely incriminating, but the fact that someone _knew_ was keeping him awake at night. It couldn't be Hiruzen, because that man always was a naïve fool, and wouldn't try the subtle approach with such accusations: while the first _unsavoury_ messages said nothing more than "Danzo wears this kind of underwear", the second and the third one claimed to know things about the Uchiha Massacre, things he'd rather not talk about (and wasn't he so very glad that the Last Uchiha was out of the Village?).

However, he had been summoned not once, but twice to Hokage-sama's office for trivial things, and he was pretty sure Hiruzen, who had after all read the more outlandish and ridiculous messages left by the Concerned Citizen, was _laughing_ at him. The annoyance at being made fun of was a small price to pay to keep his place, though.

Of course, until people started questioning him, he would just pretend nothing happened. His ROOT would find the perpetrator, and they would tire, and _pay_ for speaking out of turn.

"Danzo-sama", a voice started hesitantly. It was Hiruzen's secretary. "We found another on Hokage-sama's door, and thought..."

She handed him a note. It was one of the blasted things. He didn't look at it, just stared at her until she cowed and went back to her desk, and left the Tower.

 _"To whoever might concern. It is not acceptable to leave corpses in the sewers. The Alligators need a clean environment. Whoever is leaving those boys there, is to be considered warned. We do not want sad alligators in our toilets. Thank you"._

He crumpled the paper in rage.

Truly, today was an awful day.

* * *

 _"ANBU-san, the carpenters guild has filed yet ANOTHER petition to stop you from creating those wooden huts. Please refrain from ignoring the zoning laws in the village. A Concerned Citizen"_

Had Tenzo been any less trained, he would have gaped. 'ANBU-san'. The Concerned Citizen didn't really mention his name, but Mokuton was his secret ability, apparently no longer secret, and the message was pinned _to his house._ Someone had done their research well, maybe too well.

As it was, he had been ANBU for years, Root for longer, and if his senpai hadn't drilled into him the importance of body tells, Danzo certainly had.

So, with supreme nonchalance, he ignored the people hovering in the distance, trying to read whatever was written on his paper, balled the note and entered his house. He would burn it, just in case.

He spent the day thinking long and hard on the meaning of the note, and what to do next. How he wished senpai hadn't left just a week ago!

* * *

It was a boring day for Sarutobi Konohamaru.

Really, couldn't Iruka-sensei just stop?

He didn't care about the wonderfully improved draining system the Nidaime had implemented for the better of Konoha. He was going to be Hokage, but that didn't mean he'd be saddled with that, oh no! He was going to be absolutely awesome about it, and leave those boring decisions to his advisors. Who would _not_ be the old bats Jiji surrounded himself with. They made his skin crawl and his stomach flop in a very unpleasant way.

"Konohamaru-chan" whispered Moegi from her seat on his left.

He started, and snapped his head to the board. _Oh._ Iruka was staring at him, head growing impossibly big, well into his Big Head Jutsu. "Ko-no-ha-ma-ru...!" he paused after every syllable.

Konohamaru gulped.

Maybe he should have appreciated the monotony a bit more.

* * *

Today was, like, _bad_!

She stared at the scroll in front of her mutinously, as if willing it away. If paper could move, it would have twitched, squirmed and poofed into non-existence in twenty seconds. Unfortunately for her, it didn't.

She kept staring at it, and then some more. It really looked like a summon from the Tower. Like, the real deal. Sealed and rolled up and all in that oh so official way. She would know, she had catalogued hundreds of those. She was rarely on the receiving end, though.

She was nearly temped to 'Kai' it, but thought better of that. Trying to 'Kai' something while being circled by various and precious scrolls seemed a tad too suicidal, even for her. Not that the scrolls would have exploded, maybe.

Try as she might, she could hardly understand the need of such a thing. She was just downstairs. Her office hadn't moved since she first started working there. Okay, maybe a little downstairs. Something like three floors, but still. He could have just sent someone to fetch her. Heck, she had been sent to fetch someone from the other side of the Village. It just didn't make sense to her practical mind. Still, the scroll was there, it looked like very official, and it was totally addressed with her name and family name. She was to open it.

She sighed, slowly, and reluctantly swiped her index finger over the tiny seal to pop the scroll open. It unfurled with a swish. She stared at the very official very cold writing, and blinked. Twice. Once just didn't seem to do the trick. Then relief washed over her. It was just the Old man. Not one of the other _very nice_ people. She probably could have refused a summon from a Chuunin, but nothing more than that. Especially, if made official on a scroll. 'Sorry, I didn't receive the message' just didn't work with written orders.

"No sense in delaying the impending doom, then," she sighed. She got up clumsily from the mount of scrolls and papers all scattered on the floor, and got out of the cave that in the last few months had become her makeshift all seasons office.

"You called, Hokage-sama?"

"Ah, Naruto-kun, yes. As a matter of fact, I did."

She twitched, but said nothing. Hokage-sama had started long ago with the rather annoying '-kun' affair, and while she was rather sure he meant it as a joke, he wouldn't settle for anything else. She had tried, oh yes, but the compromise offered, Naruto-chan, seemed way worse.

"You are done with the Nami papers and documents, I presume?" he asked, unperturbed. He always radiated that calm air around him.

She blinked. "Ah, yes, Hokage-sama, as a matter of fact. They have been compiled successfully, and the relevant documents have been sent to your office two days ago," she added on second thought. Figures, he hadn't had the time to go over it.

"Indeed, Naruto-kun, indeed," he had the grace to look a bit sheepish from behind the stacks of papers on his desk. She fought the urge to roll her eyes. He'd be swamped by nightfall, she was sure of it; could Kages even die from too much paperwork?

"I'll need you to go through those documents once again, Naruto-kun, " Sandaime-sama sighed, the smoke from his pipe coming out in little puffs.

She stiffened, ramrod straight in front of the desk. "Was the work unsatisfactory, Sandaime-sama?" she asked, stiffly. Had she been wrong? The Hokage had in fact looked at her job, and found it lacking? Had she made a mistake? On such an _easy_ report? Of a non Shinobi country, at that?

"Ah, no, the work was fine!" Sandaime-sama quickly assured her. "But we'll have to look a bit deeper," he added meaningfully, giving her the look.

She understood. There was trouble stirring in the neighbour nation, and the Hokage didn't want to be unprepared in case something arose. It had been hard for Naruto, at first, to separate Hokage-sama, the old, wrinkled grandfather figure look alike from the Shinobi no Kami and ruler of the Village, and she still didn't manage to hide her surprise when this powerful, powerful individual showed up instead of her loved 'Jiji', but if Uzumaki Naruto was good at something, it was improvising.

"Of course, Hokage-sama." She bowed deeply, relieved. "What should I be looking for?"

He smiled, motioning to a scroll on his desk. She approached carefully, and waited for permission before taking it in his hands. It looked like Hatake-san's writing, but she didn't have much familiarity with that. Team Seven, Jounin Hatake- _Ha! Bingo!_ she smirked, triumphant. She was getting better, after all. "ah, yadda yadda," she muttered. "Escort mission, client endangered, hostile Shinobi, reinforcement required…Gatou Corporation…" she frowned. Gatou was not someone fresh Genin, because if she wasn't wrong, Team Seven was a fresh Genin team on the active roster, to trifle with.

"Are we sending Genin to deal with Multinational Leaders and suspect contraband dealers?"

Hokage-sama sighed "No, not really, no. Looks like Tazuna-san lied, quite deliberately, to pay for a cheaper mission than intended. I would have never sent Genin if Shinobi had been involved. I shall be sending them backup, but I want them to be prepared for when they leave, in two hours. "

Naruto nodded. "Understood. I'll have the information drawn up for that time. Please, don't send them my way?" she added hopefully.

He chuckled. "Really, Naruto-kun, what _ever_ are you doing in there?"

 _He knows!_ Was her first reaction, that she tried to suppress. She wasn't doing anything illegal, really, she wasn't.

And it's not like the documents she used were the original ones anyway, but she had to test her techniques on something, and there was no one in the little office.

Just her, the shelves, and an humongous amount of documents, scrolls, papers, books and every kind of thing people just didn't want around any more. Perfect. Test. Subjects. "Eh eh… Nothing. Really, nothing, Hokage-sama." She hastily said, laughing nervously.

 _Don't ask don't ask don't ask_.

"One of these days, I'll come see myself, if you keep this up." He shook his head.

Victory! She fought the urge to jump for joy. One of these days certainly didn't mean today, nor tomorrow. And Jiji was far too busy to come around her tiny corner. Besides, the fact that he had said 'myself', meant that the backup Team would not be coming over, which suited her just fine. She would deliver the documents to the Chuunin and be on her way.

On her way, she would totally stop for Ramen though. There was always time for ramen, and the district was a goldmine for paper scraps. Why, the civilians alone threw so much paper around it was a wonder there still were trees in Konoha. Well, not really, but who was she to complain?

Today _wasn't_ such a bad day after all.

* * *

This was a beautiful day for freedom.

She prowled in the grass, lowering herself so she was completely hidden.

She had to be careful; failure was not an option.

Her victim was unsuspecting, as usual. She was used to it, her assassination skills had always been top notch. Not even the recent captivity had lowered her supreme abilities. Her jailers had already paid, and now it was time. Every single Shinobi that stood against her, would suffer.

Now that she was free, nothing stood in her way.

She advanced slowly, with controlled movements, not a single twitch in her perfect poise.

Almost there, so close!

She stilled. _Was that...?_ She strained her ears; something had just stepped on a twig. This was bad. They were coming after her. Now that she focused, she could feel the presence of two, no, three chakra signatures in the distance, rapidly approaching.

Her target moved.

She hesitated.

She could go after her victim, go for the kill, and possibly alert her captors, and she did not fancy another trip to the torture department and her personal hell: those days were past and behind her, and she feared captivity more than death anyway.

She could try and make a run for it, but leaving her mark seemed such a waste.

She made a frustrated noise in the back of her throat. She'd come back, and kill him. Not today, but one day, she would.

She leaped away. Her target screamed, and fled. She resisted the urge to snort, because that was so his lucky day; she had better and bigger fishes to cook, today.

"There you are!" a forcedly cheerful, delighted voice screamed from afar. Her captors! They found her. She had to run for it, or it would be too late. She started running as fast as she could, but found herself quickly trapped. She couldn't move!

"Kagemane no Jutsu, success." A bored voice behind her said.

 _NO!_ And suddenly she was wrapped into a cloth and hoisted over a shoulder, like a sack of potatoes. The blonde kid that was shouting earlier was smiling, and trying to pet her beautiful self. Pet!

"Little bow on her head, check. That's Tora alright." A big man with a cigarette between his teeth said, snorting. "Okay, Team 10, let's take Tora-chan home," he added satisfied.

"How troublesome..." the pineapple head that had captured her droned, from her left.

She felt like crying, and with a dismayed noise tried to break free, to no avail. This couldn't be the end. Not the prison, not again.

She was the Great Tora-sama, and this was the _worst. Day. Ever._

* * *

" _Shiranui-san._ _Please stop leaving senbon everywhere. They're sharp, and yours are often coated with poison. Four people have been temporarily paralysed this week alone. A Concerned Citizen_ _"_

Huh. Well, would you look at that.

Raidou, behind him, chortled.

"What's so funny anyway?" Genma asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly. He was suddenly very tempted to hit his companion.

"Nothing, nothing," coughed Raidou, making exaggerate choking noises.

"Thought so, mister _'you are still personal and incriminating stuff around, please stop' "_ Genma quoted, twitching.

* * *

Additional Notes:

So, uhm, if you read it, you'll have noticed that some parts were clearly designed as something much bigger.  
Will I ever write it? I don't know. Frankly, I don't know.  
I have the ideas, a flurry of them, I have random scenes that cover the walls of my room. I don't have the skills to plan it out without resorting to tropes, aaaand I'd rather avoid it.  
So, yeah, maybe I will? Maybe I won't?  
In the end, this fiction can be considered a complete snapshot.

Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
